Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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