can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
