I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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