i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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