Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
