sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
