thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
