I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
