I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
