How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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