apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
