didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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