I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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