Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
