Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
