At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
