Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
