watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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