if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
