I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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