It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
