We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
