i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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