lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
