Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
