Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
