I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
