dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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