And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
