Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
