I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
