Just fell off a train. Bad.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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