That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
