I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Come on in and take your pants off
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