my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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