Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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