Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
