You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
