ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
