i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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