At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
