I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
