I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
