If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So here I am, sexting at work.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
