she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize