how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
