In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
