Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
