god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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