i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
