i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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