I wish I only lived at night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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