You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
