you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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