This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
