I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
