This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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