i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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