Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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