he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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