he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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