I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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