So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
