My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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