He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
wow bdsm is so cute
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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