i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
