We got so high we made milksteak
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
