Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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