I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
