I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
