god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
