Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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