end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
