I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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