If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
