The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize