I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
