Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
