i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
